How To Travel With A Non-Compliant Autistic Child - A Mini Series

By Sofa Ibrahim


Elopement and Compliance: Understanding the Psychology Behind Behavior in Autistic Children

Today, I want to discuss the topic of compliance—a term that often comes up among parents raising autistic children. "Non-compliance" is the label used when a child doesn't listen or follow through with instructions.

I decided to write about this because compliance is at the heart of many challenges faced by parents of children with autism. These challenges include not only a lack of listening, but also behaviors like elopement (when a child leaves a safe area without warning) and defiance.

In my experience, understanding the psychology of compliance in autistic children can help us address these issues more effectively. This is especially true when it comes to behaviors like elopement.

So, What is Compliance?

Compliance typically means obedience—doing as you were told. It’s often seen as a sign of being a “good” person or a “good” child. But it also carries an element of control and power: compliance means the ability to direct someone’s actions.

But why is compliance such a struggle for caregivers of children with autism?

There are several reasons, and I'd like to share a few based on my own observations raising two neurodivergent boys, as well as the materials I've gathered from books, online resources, and trainings I've attended. I’d love to hear your thoughts as well.

1. Humans Aren’t Wired for Compliance

We all have an inherent need to assert our independence, and this is often seen through what’s known as the “Rebel” archetype. The Rebel, along with other archetypes like the Maverick and Outlaw, represents a person who challenges authority, norms, and societal expectations. This instinct is deeply rooted in self-preservation.

  • Righteous Rebellion: The Rebel uses defiance to fight against systems that feel unjust or oppressive.

  • Unwavering Conviction: The Rebel stands firm in their beliefs, even in the face of opposition.

  • Resilient Integrity: The Rebel remains steadfast, even when faced with difficult choices.

At its core, the Rebel archetype fights for what matters to them, whether that’s self-preservation or a cause they believe in. Even though young children are still developing cognitively, they begin to express their “rebellious” side as they grow, defending what they care about. For children with autism, this instinct can be even stronger, as they may feel the need to protect their routines and interests.

2. Maturity and Compliance

As we mature, our resistance to compliance tends to soften. We learn when to pick our battles and often become less vocal about our defiance. Sometimes, we mature because we’ve faced the consequences of rebellion, or perhaps because we’ve found more effective ways to express ourselves.

The same applies to neurodivergent children. With therapy and guidance, they can learn how to manage their rebellious tendencies, though this often requires additional support. Children with autism might need extra help because they face challenges in emotional regulation, social interaction, and communication.

3. The Characteristics of Autism

Autism itself brings unique challenges that make compliance harder:

  • Social Communication Difficulties: Autistic children often struggle to understand and use social cues. They may have difficulty maintaining eye contact or engaging in reciprocal conversations.

  • Repetitive Behaviors and Interests: Many children with autism insist on routines and exhibit repetitive movements or speech patterns. They may have intense, narrow interests that make them resistant to trying new things.

  • Sensory Sensitivities: Autistic individuals may have heightened or diminished sensitivity to sensory input, such as sounds, lights, or textures.

These characteristics of autism can make compliance particularly challenging. Autistic children may struggle to regulate their emotions and impulses, leading to behaviors that appear non-compliant, such as blurting things out, acting impulsively, or becoming irrational. These actions are often an attempt to cope with the overwhelming sensory input or the frustration of trying to adapt to something new.

For example, a child might resist trying something new, even if it’s something beneficial, simply because it disrupts their routine or introduces an unfamiliar element. The fight-or-flight response can be triggered, leading to panic and irrational behaviors.

4. The Literal Nature of Autism

Autistic children often have a very literal way of thinking. This means they may struggle with figurative language or abstract concepts. Phrases like "raining cats and dogs" or "my hands are full" may not make sense to them. They may not understand the implied meaning and take things quite literally.

Many autistic children are visual learners, meaning they absorb information best through observation. However, this can also make it difficult for them to understand underlying messages or subtleties in language. They might copy what they see, but without fully grasping the deeper meaning.

As autistic children grow older, getting them to comply can become even harder. It’s like the saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink." This is often the reality for parents when trying to understand why their child refuses to do something, even when it seems logical or beneficial to us.

Why Does This Matter for Elopement and Travel?

You might be wondering how this all ties into issues like elopement or traveling with an autistic child. Well, understanding the psychology behind compliance (or non-compliance) can help you navigate these challenges more effectively.

There are plenty of “how-to” guides online about getting a child to comply and behave, but I believe understanding the why behind these behaviors is just as important. When you understand the psychological factors at play, you’ll be better equipped to communicate with your autistic child and feel confident taking them anywhere.

The "how-to" is important, but the "why" is essential. If we can approach our children’s behavior from a place of understanding, rather than frustration, it becomes easier to find solutions that work for both of you.

Wrapping Up

I know this is a lot of information to digest, so I’ll leave it here for today. Tomorrow, I’ll be sharing some practical tips and strategies for encouraging cooperation (rather than compliance) in your autistic child, making things like traveling or simply leaving the house a little bit easier.

Until next time!

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